Although it's nearly been the 3 weeks since I went on the Spiritual Impact retreat, I have still thought about my experience there often.
The most meaningful and intense experience I had that weekend was truly between Jesus and I. The Saturday evening of that weekend we listened to a talk on the gifts of the Holy Spirit and then we ended our night with more praise and worship adoration. This prayer started at about 10:30pm and the session ended up lasting until after 12:30am! But it did not feel nearly that long.
As I mentioned in my last post : "Lately I’ve been struggling with feeling loved by some very important people in my life. I know they love me, but sometimes it’s just nice to feel it and see it more. After the first 2 talks I really felt like I just needed to let God love me. Some of the men and I talked about this and that as men, we sometimes find it difficult to let ourselves be loved by others, even by God. I knew there was some connection between the people that I’m longing to be loved by and needing to allow myself to be loved by God."
During this last session of prayer I was really trying to focus on letting God love me. After a few moments I felt something incredible. My body and heart were overwhelmed with sadness. I was thinking about the people that I was longing to be loved by and I just felt that I need to love them better and show the greatest Love of the world to them. As I continued to pray and the sadness continued to fill me I realized that the sadness was from the fact that these people in my life do not know the Love of Christ. As I stayed there kneeling before the Blessed Sacrament, I thought this bit of sadness that I was feeling was just a sliver of the sadness that Jesus feels when people choose not to love him. I don't know how long I was in that position kneeling and praying and begging God that these people would open themselves up to experiencing this incredible Love. But I know that has been my prayer every day since.
These past few weeks I have also found myself to be, well, a bit scared. I learned that it is a possibility that I will not get to return to campus next fall to the work that I have absolutely fallen in love with if I do not see a significant increase in my monthly support. During this time of struggle I have at times found it hard to trust in the Lord with all my heart. This has not been peaceful for me. I have never stopped loving the Lord, but it's hard for me to be ok with possibly not being here next year, but I have to be open to His will. There is no doubt that He wanted me here this last year, but He may not need me here next year, I've been praying that He does, but that's not for me to decide. I've always said and preached to obey the will of the Lord, but I've really been put to the test lately. But Lord, I am ready for whatever your have next for me and will happily do it for You.
I've been working hard sending letters and emails to people that may want to support the work that I do and I will continue to work hard. This is a great need, the need to raise money so that I may continue to work to bring Jesus Christ to the male student athletes at Seton Hall University and I want to ask the blog world and those reading this to consider helping me. Would you please consider making a monthly contribution to support the work that I do with FOCUS?
I am so grateful for those that have contributed and have allowed me to do the greatest work in the world, serving our Lord on a college campus ministering to college athletes. Please help me to continue in this mission.
If you are moved to help and become part of one of the most unique and impactufl ministries and to take part in changing the culture in which we live you can do so by making a contribution and becoming a part of my monthly support team at this website: www.focusonline.org/goto/5502
No matter what you do, please keep me in your prayers, be assured of mine for you, and may we all strive to live up to such simple, yet profound and beautiful words that the Mother of our Lord once proclaimed, "Be it done unto me according to thy word."