In a country that
continues to grow further and further from the roots in which it was
established, one of the most common questions amongst teenagers and young
adults is, “Why should I wait until I get married to have sex?” Our culture strives
to make things bigger, better, and faster and our culture loves giving gifts
that we will be remembered for. What are the gifts that we fail to recognize,
give, and receive? Our sexuality is a gift meant to be given and received after
marriage.
Why were we
created? Weren’t we created to be in
relationship? We arrive in this world after we have developed a relationship
with our mother while in the womb. Then we are raised by our parents, and we
have siblings or go to school and make friends. Our entire life consists of
relationships. We continue in life
and begin our own family. The first step in that process is to meet someone of
the opposite sex, get married, and begin a whole new set of relationships. Am I
forgetting a relationship? What about the first relationship known to man? When man was first created he was
created in the image and likeness of God Himself. What did the first relationship
on earth look like? Man, Adam, was created to be in a relationship. There was a
problem; Adam had no one with whom he could be in relationship. God gave Adam
the duty of naming all the animals. Can you imagine the torture Adam must have
gone through in naming the animals and looking for someone with whom he could
be in relationship? Yet there was no one. Finally God realized Adam’s need to
be in relationship, so God gave Adam Eve. God created both of them in His image
and to be in relationship with Him!
Today, being human, like Adam and Eve, we too are created for relationship with
Someone beyond this earth. We were created for relationships beyond those that
we have physically; we were created for relationship with our Father, the
Creator and His Son – our Savior. Without a relationship with Them, who embody
Love itself, how could we possibly love anyone on earth? Unless we truly
experience the Love we were created for we cannot love another being on this
earth. This is one gift we too often choose not to receive.
When we love
someone, whether it’s a parent, sibling, relative or friend, we try to express
that love by doing nice things for them and we serve them; we give of our very
selves. We give and become a gift. Is there a greater meaning to giving of
ourselves within marriage? Yes. God does nothing without purpose, he meant for
sex to be used for much more than pleasure. Just like no person was created by
God without purpose - anything or any action given to us by God is meant to be
used for a specific purpose. Before Adam had Eve he realized that he was more
than just a body, he knew that he also had a soul, he knew that he could not
simply exist to serve himself physically, he longed to give himself to another
in every way that he could and unite himself with her bodily and spiritually.
If a man is to
give himself completely to a woman what does it mean, how does a couple give
themselves to each other completely? There are several things that a couple can
do to serve one another by giving of themselves. One could do chores for the
other, buy something, compliment them, give up something so the other can have
it, cook a meal, etc. Those are all wonderful things and most good spouses
would jump at the opportunity to do one of them to please the other. But what
if there was an experience spouses could share that would unite them body and
soul, allowing them to experience a deep communion in which they freely give of
themselves. That’s what marriage is about right? Uniting with another in a way
that bonds and unites the couple in a deep and meaningful way?
The act of sex is that
way that spouses can give of themselves
completely! Instead of viewing sex
as merely a way of experiencing pleasure we need to think about the meaning of
the act beyond the way that our culture portrays it. The act of sex is meant to
be enjoyable, but it is also to be used as a means of giving ourselves
completely to our spouse and to unite us to that person in a way that we are
not united with anyone else! As explained in Theology of the Body by the late Great Blessed John Paul II; “The
conjugal act, the marital act, “means” not only to love, but also potential
fruitfulness, and thus it cannot be deprived of its full and adequate meaning
by means of artificial interventions. In the conjugal act, it is not licit to
separate artificially the unitive meaning from the procreative meaning, because
the one as well as the other belong to the innermost truth of the conjugal act.
The artificial separation of these two meanings of the conjugal act, a real
bodily union is brought about, but it does not correspond to the inner truth
and dignity of personal communion.”[1]
The only way to become the person we were created to be – fully and truly, is
through a sincere and complete gift of self. Many people think that using a
form of contraception is heroic because they’re avoiding pregnancy. There is
actually nothing less heroic than contracepting. It’s cowardly, immature, and
irresponsible. The contracepted act, before or during marriage, is only about
what one person can get from the other, “love” is basically eliminated, the
contracepted act is one of mutual use. The consummating act on the night of
marriage is a memoralizing or remembering of the covenant of marriage. In every
marital act a couple is renewing this covenant. This reflects how we memorialize
the consummating act of Jesus in the Church. By Christ giving Himself for the
Church in the Eucharist at every Mass, we are remembering how Jesus freely and
fully gave of Himself to us; we remember that consummation in every Eucharist.
Sex is worth the wait.
As humans it takes a lot for us to exercise self-control. At times, we are good
at it. Someone on a diet will exercise and change their diet. Someone shopping sees
something they like but does not buy it. But sexually we choose not to exercise
self-control, we lower the bar, we choose
to use contraceptives, we choose to
be a victim of our intuition, instead of using our intellect. Jesus Christ
raised the bar for over 30 years while He was man on earth, He expects more of
us. The only way we can avoid falling into sexual sin is by relying on His
grace. If you want your wedding night to be memorable get on your knees and ask
for the grace to be pure and chaste!
Earlier I talked
about people today wanting to give the best gift imaginable to another. The greatest
gift you can give someone is yourself. The greatest gift you can give on your
wedding night and entire marriage is yourself. What gift do you want to bring
to your wedding night? An un-opened, never been gifted, incredible gift? Or a
re-gifted, used, and tired gift?
