Still Spiritually Impacted

Although it's nearly been the 3 weeks since I went on the Spiritual Impact retreat, I have still thought about my experience there often.

The most meaningful and intense experience I had that weekend was truly between Jesus and I. The Saturday evening of that weekend we listened to a talk on the gifts of the Holy Spirit and then we ended our night with more praise and worship adoration. This prayer started at about 10:30pm and the session ended up lasting until after 12:30am! But it did not feel nearly that long.

As I mentioned in my last post : "Lately I’ve been struggling with feeling loved by some very important people in my life. I know they love me, but sometimes it’s just nice to feel it and see it more. After the first 2 talks I really felt like I just needed to let God love me. Some of the men and I talked about this and that as men, we sometimes find it difficult to let ourselves be loved by others, even by God. I knew there was some connection between the people that I’m longing to be loved by and needing to allow myself to be loved by God."

During this last session of prayer I was really trying to focus on letting God love me. After a few moments I felt something incredible. My body and heart were overwhelmed with sadness. I was thinking about the people that I was longing to be loved by and I just felt that I need to love them better and show the greatest Love of the world to them. As I continued to pray and the sadness continued to fill me I realized that the sadness was from the fact that these people in my life do not know the Love of Christ. As I stayed there kneeling before the Blessed Sacrament, I thought this bit of sadness that I was feeling was just a sliver of the sadness that Jesus feels when people choose not to love him. I don't know how long I was in that position kneeling and praying and begging God that these people would open themselves up to experiencing this incredible Love. But I know that has been my prayer every day since.



These past few weeks I have also found myself to be, well, a bit scared. I learned that it is a possibility that I will not get to return to campus next fall to the work that I have absolutely fallen in love with if I do not see a significant increase in my monthly support. During this time of struggle I have at times found it hard to trust in the Lord with all my heart. This has not been peaceful for me. I have never stopped loving the Lord, but it's hard for me to be ok with possibly not being here next year, but I have to be open to His will. There is no doubt that He wanted me here this last year, but He may not need me here next year, I've been praying that He does, but that's not for me to decide. I've always said and preached to obey the will of the Lord, but I've really been put to the test lately. But Lord, I am ready for whatever your have next for me and will happily do it for You.

I've been working hard sending letters and emails to people that may want to support the work that I do and I will continue to work hard. This is a great need, the need to raise money so that I may continue to work to bring Jesus Christ to the male student athletes at Seton Hall University and I want to ask the blog world and those reading this to consider helping me. Would you please consider making a monthly contribution to support the work that I do with FOCUS?

I am so grateful for those that have contributed and have allowed me to do the greatest work in the world, serving our Lord on a college campus ministering to college athletes. Please help me to continue in this mission.

If you are moved to help and become part of one of the most unique and impactufl ministries and to take part in changing the culture in which we live you can do so by making a contribution and becoming a part of my monthly support team at this website: www.focusonline.org/goto/5502

No matter what you do, please keep me in your prayers, be assured of mine for you, and may we all strive to live up to such simple, yet profound and beautiful words that the Mother of our Lord once proclaimed, "Be it done unto me according to thy word."

VERSO L'ALTO

Spiritually Impacted

This past weekend I had the opportunity to attend a Spiritual Impact Retreat in Emmitsburg, Maryland at Mount St. Mary’s University. I committed to attending the retreat earlier this semester, not really sure what I was getting myself into. I have led a few retreats and even a mission trip the past few years, but I can’t remember the last time I went to a retreat just to be filled. The past few weeks I gradually grew more excited as the retreat got closer.

I arrived at the retreat site on Friday night with my fellow FOCUS teammates and one student from Seton Hall. Several FOCUS schools on the east coast attended with students, in all I would guess about 30-40 people were on the retreat. It’s always great to go somewhere that there is going to be missionaries from other schools. We spend a month together during the summer growing so close spending day after day together and then we’re sent to every corner of the country, it’s great to reunite with such joy filled people. (And fun to meet students they’ve been working with!)

Early Saturday morning before the retreat started at breakfast I heard a few missionaries discussing what the retreat was going to be like, one had been on the retreat before and one had not. The person that had attended said that the retreat is a lot of intense prayer and even some healing. The person who had not attended asked him what he meant. He said that people are overcome by the spirit and presence of God; hands in the air, people falling to the ground, healings taking place. When I heard this I was a little skeptical of the possibility of the last 2 happening in a legit and unforced way(people doing it for show). Nonetheless, I wanted to remain open to everything that I would see, hear, and experience during the weekend.

The retreat began with 2 talks; 1 about the Holy Spirit and 1 on God’s Love. I soon realized that I’m very unaware of what these things are on a deeper level; this realization really set the tone for the weekend. I was eager and excited to see how God was going to work in my heart if I let Him.

Lately I’ve been struggling with feeling loved by some very important people in my life. I know they love me, but sometimes it’s just nice to feel it and see it more. After the first 2 talks I really felt like I just needed to let God love me. Some of the men and I talked about this and that as men, we sometimes find it difficult to let ourselves be loved by others, even by God. I knew there was some connection between the people that I’m longing to be loved by and needing to allow myself to be loved by God.

The next 2 talks were on evil spirits & healing. Following the talks we were given some reading materials. During the talks and after I received the reading materials I thought about how I had let the evil one into areas in my life in the past. The devil has mostly attacked me by way of sexual sin; lust & fornication. Meaning that in the past, in my mind I have justified these acts as OK to be engaging in. Certainly there have been other ways I’ve allowed the devil in, but this area of sexual sin is something that I have a lot of regret about and have not fully forgiven myself for my past actions. I know that God is all Loving & forgives us for all our sins, but my human stubbornness has gotten (and still gets) in the way of always accepting that.

Next on the schedule was “adoration, praise & worship, laying on of hands.” I was looking forward to 2 of those 3. I was a little hesitant towards the phrase laying on of hands, but really I shouldn't have been, didn’t Jesus and the disciples do this for all different kinds of healing? To add with my discomfort at the situation, (very selfish of me & petty) we cleared the chairs and we would kneel or sit on the floor. I stood at the back of the chapel until I saw some space that I thought I could spread out in. When I got to this space in the front of the chapel, it wasn’t as much space as I thought and could not even see Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, but I figured that I knew He was present. At this point there were 4 pairs of people going around the room praying for people (the laying on of hands part). 3 pairs were a man and a woman while 1 pair was two women. I started silently praying that no one would come to me to pray. But they did, and it was the pair of women. They asked if I would like to be prayed for, I couldn’t say no. They put their hands on me and began praying, just calling on the name of Jesus. And once I stopped worrying about the words that were being said and focused on Jesus, I was at peace.



In a recent blog I wrote about having a euphoric tingling feeling when I was prayed for when I was in Mexico, I experienced that again this weekend, but in a whole new way. I have no idea how long the women prayed for me or what they all said, but I felt Jesus present the entire time. Once they left, I was praying that another pair of people would pray for me. That didn’t happen but I did have almost two whole hours after the first pair left to pray on my own. Near the end of this time I rolled my head back, looked above me, and realized that the entire time I was underneath a statue of the Virgin Mary. This may not seem like a big deal, except that I’ve been praying to Mary, asking her to ask her Son, Jesus, who she is with in Heaven, to give me the strength to overcome my lustful desires and regret of my past. And then I realized what shirt I had put on that morning, the shirt is the picture you can see above. Through this series of events; 2 women praying over me, being under a statue of Mary, and wearing that shirt, I really sensed God’s forgiveness for my past sexual sin that I’ve been hanging on to. The fact that God sent two women to pray over me when it was women that I have used in the past and the sense of answered prayer from the Virgin Mary, but most importantly from her Son, our Lord, Jesus. I finally feel healed of those actions and have great thanks for Jesus and His Love and forgiveness.

That was not all the spiritual impactivity (word/sp?) that happened this weekend, but all that I care to fit into one entry. So stay tuned for more spiritual impact to be posted soon. Until then, VERSO L’ALTO!

Matthew 26-27

That's Matthew chapters 26 and 27. For the last two weeks this is what the men from the baseball team and I have read during Bible study. If you're not familiar it's the story of the Passion and there is no better time to reflect on the Passion than during the season of Lent.

I decided to read through the Passion with the guys because references to the movie The Passion of the Christ, directed by Mel Gibson and starring Jim Caviezel, have been made all year long in Bible study. As we continue through Lent and move closer to Easter; we are going to watch the movie together in a few weeks.



It has been such a blessing to read through these chapters with the guys. It's amazing what stands out to you in Scripture even when you've read something several times. The guys have really been focused as we've read through the chapters. They've asked a lot of questions and made a lot of comments about things they've never realized that Jesus went through on His way to the Cross.........things He chose to go through for each one of us.

Throughout Lent I have challenged the guys to use their Lenten fast as a way to draw closer to Jesus. That when they are tempted to have a soda or beer, or whatever they gave up to pray to the Lord and rely on Him for the strength to overcome the temptation. Last night I challenged them to read over Scripture, especially the Passion narratives, which are in each of the 4 Gospels. Matthew 26-27, Mark 14-16, Luke 22-24, and John 18-20.

I don't believe that there is a better way to grow closer and deeper with Jesus than to read His Word, especially when the Word is about His life.

My prayer is this Lenten season that we will all fall more deeply in love with the Lord as we reflect and anticipate the greatest sacrifice of all.

VERSO L'ALTO

Stay with me Lord

To continue to draw closer to Jesus this Lent I want to share a prayer with you that I pray often and I think is especially fitting for the Lenten season.

The prayer comes from St. Padre Pio of Pietrelcina. He was a priest in Italy from 1910 until his death in 1968. Not only is he a Saint in heaven but he is a canonized Saint of the Catholic Church. He is someone that touched many lives while he was here on earth and because of his great witness and selfless life that he committed to Jesus Christ, he continues to be someone that Catholics and Christians look up to today. Here is a link for more information about St. Padre Pio. I know that every time I read about him or listen to someone talk about him I am surprised to learn something that he did or something that happened to him.

http://www.ewtn.com/saintsHoly/saints/P/stpioofpietrelcina.asp



The prayer that I am sharing here is a prayer that someone shared with me and is part of what is known as "Padre Pio's Prayer after receiving Holy Communion". It is a prayer that I find a lot of meaning in and it really hits my heart when I pray this after receiving Communion, which as Jesus tells us in the 6th chapter of the Gospel of John, that He is the Bread of Life and that Holy Communionis is His Body and His Blood. Here's the prayer.........

Stay with me, Lord, for it is necessary to have You present so that I do not forget You.

Stay with me, Lord, because I am weak and I need all Your strength, that I may not fall so often.

Stay with me, Lord, for You are my life and without You I am without fervor.

Stay with me, Lord, for You are my light and without You I am in darkness.

Stay with me, Lord, to show me Your will.

Stay with me, Lord, so that I hear Your voice and follow You.

Stay with me, Lord, for I desire to love You very much and always be in Your company.

Stay with me, Lord, if You wish me to be faithful to You.

Stay with me, Lord, as poor as my soul is I want it to be a place of consolation for You, a nest of Love.




Lord, may this prayer draw us closer to you as we approach and prepare for You this Easter Sunday.

"Pray, hope, and don't worry." - St. Padre Pio

St. Padre Pio, Pray for us.

VERSO L'ALTO

Spring Break

First of all Happy Ash Wednesday and Happy Lent!!!

Leading up to spring break this year I had a great few weeks on campus. Its been great getting to spend more time with the guys on the Seton Hall baseball team. It started in the middle of February when the guys on the baseball team told me that we had to move our weekly meeting time for Bible study because they had to attend their inaugural 1st Pitch Dinner, kicking off their season. The day after they told me about this I received a phone call from their coach inviting me to the dinner. He asked me to attend and say a prayer before the meal. The dinner was great, there were several alumni, all the current players were there and a number of their parents also made it. It was a fun night and a great way to start the season. Since then the guys have been on the road for about 10 games since and are a few games below .500. I'm excited to get back to school and watch a few home games.

Spring break this year has been a different experience for me compared to the last few. Three years ago I was in Sabinas, Mexico and for the last two years I have traveled to Bay St. Louis, Mississippi. This year I did something I never hoped to do again on a spring break, shovel. The picture is similar to what I saw when I woke up this morning. I'm ready for spring that's for sure. But last week and since I've been on spring break I've been doing some reflecting on my past spring breaks and the impact they had on me and I wanted to write about them. I want to share these memories as a witness to a time when prayer was almost irrelevant to me, to being open to God and Jesus, and to a point where I’ve realized the need and power in relying on God and need for prayer. I think it is a good time to share now since it is in the season of Lent. A time when all Christians should be preparing for Easter Sunday and drawing closer to Jesus and strengthening (or starting) a relationship with Jesus.

The fact that I went on the mission trip to Mexico was a bit of a miracle in itself, but as I've reflected I figure my week in Mexico to be the first time that I acknowledged experiencing Jesus. I have a few very vivid memories from this trip. The first was the night we arrived, a Saturday around midnight. The pastor was showing us around the property, one thing he pointed out was a cement basing and faucet. He explained to us in Spanish that it was for us to use to clean up after we worked and before meals. He pointed out that it often backs up, pointing to the dirty water in the basin. He told us not to worry but just to use the bleach next to the basin which would help it to drain and also make the water less dirty. His next words are what struck me the most, in Spanish he said, “This cleansing is like the cleansing that Jesus will do in your heart this week.” When he said this it was well after midnight and after 30+ hours of driving, I’m glad that I was somehow still alert enough to catch that, but wow did the pastor end up being right.

The second memory was at Sunday evening service the next day. The entire service was in Spanish and despite my 7+ years of Spanish in school, I had a hard time following what was being said. But I found that there is one language, or way of communication that is universal; prayer. Near the end of the service the pastor invited the group I was with up to the front of the church so that the church members could pray for us. Before this instance I was very hesitant and unsure of public prayer. Earlier that year I attended some Bible studies and I remember being intimidated/weirded out how some people could pray so convicted that anyone was listening. But that night in Sabinas, Mexico, I let my guard down and let go of those reservations and the Lord stormed my heart. He had been knocking but I finally let Him in and He took over. I watched as the church members prayed, they talked so fast it was hard to understand, but their prayerful expressions said it all. I remember my body feeling overwhelmed. God filled my heart so much that it forced tears out of my eyes and a euphoric tingling feeling was throughout my body. Needless to say that Holy Spirit was present.

My prayer is for everyone to fall deeper in love with Jesus Christ this Lenten season, God Bless you.

My friend the New Jersey Packer fan

Last fall I really had to work to watch the Packers play, if they weren't a national broadcast that meant I had to find an establishment to watch the game. There are plenty of places in New York (only about 1/2 hour away) to watch the games, but travel and food/beverage are so much more expensive there! So a good friend told me about a website: Packerbars.com. So I checked it out and there are 11 listed in New Jersey. I googled them to see how far away they were and called one up and asked if they'd have the game on that Sunday and they assured me that they would. The first game I went to was the game on September 19th against the Bills. I went wearing my Rodgers jersey and Packer hat proudly and grabbed a seat right at the bar. Just before kick off this big dude sits next to me, probably mid 50's, long hair down half of his back. Turns to me and introduces himself, "Name's Fitz". We went on to have a long conversation, not much attention was needed on the game as the Pack handedly beat the Bills 34-7. He told me how he makes a yearly trip to Lambeau for a game with a group of friends from out here. I told him that I was from WI and that I was working at Seton Hall. And when I left Fitz told me that I needed to check out this pizza place a few blocks away on Washington Street called "La Sicilia".

A few weeks went by before I made it back, but my buddy Fitz was there when I finally made it back. The last game I watched at the bar was the loss to Atlanta in week 12. But this time I got his address and sent him my Christmas newsletter. I was in WI from December 15th-January 17th. When I got back to New Jersey I had a stack of Christmas cards and one was from Fitz.

Last week I mailed him the latest edition of my newsletter. I included a comment on the newsletter to him congratulating him on the Super Bowl win. Today I had a package waiting for me in the mailbox. I saw the writing and looked at the return address, I was surprised to see Fitz's name. I'll quickly add that while I was in WI for the Super Bowl I saw a game program on sale for $15, I passed, but it was hard and I was hoping that somehow one would fall into my hands. Well I opened the package and guess what? A Super Bowl XLV program indeed fell into my hands!!! I was pretty excited! The program was accompanied with a 2.5 page letter from Fitz explaining how he acquired the program.

He said he has a brother that lives north of Boston in Massachusetts. His kids (Fitz's nieces and nephews) were playing outside and kicked a soccer ball into the neighbors yard. The neighborhood kids affectionately referred to this neighbor as "Mr. Spooky" and Fitz's brother had not spoken to the guy in over 10 years! Well the neighbor showed up at Fitz's brother's front door with the soccer ball. He stepped in the house and said, "Packer fan, hey?" The two ended up chatting over an "Irish Coffee". Before the neighbor left he told Fitz's brother that he owns a company that prints the programs for the Super Bowl and gave him some information on how to get as many programs as he would like for free, he would only have to pay for shipping. Fitz sent his brother a list of people. After handing out all the programs he requested, Fitz was left with one and wasn't sure what to do with it. Fitz said this is when my newsletter arrived and he said that he knew that program was meant for me! On top of this nice gesture Fitz commended me for the work that I'm doing and asked me to pray for his son who is having a tough time with graduate school in Michigan. And the PS said "I hope to see you for some games in the fall and I hope you've checked out La Sicilia on Washington!" Thanks Fitz.

Blessed Aloysious Stepinac

2 months ago while I was volunteering with the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal I met a couple that was also volunteering. I came to learn that the woman was a teacher at a Archbishop Stepinac High School in White Plains, NY and I shared with her that I was a FOCUS missionary. I told her that any time she needs help with something to please ask me and I would do my best to round up some fellow missionaries. I offered this thinking how great it would be for high school boys to see young men passionately living out and continuously pursuing their Catholic faith.

About a month ago that teacher took me up on that offer and asked if I could get a few men to come and talk to the high schoolers about being a true man of faith and using the example of Blessed Aloysious Stepinac. I will give a brief history of Archbishop Stepinac, but really he is a story worth researching. Basically, Archbishop Stepinac stood strong for what he believed when many around him did not. He was Croatian and a very young Archbishop (under 40 years old). A man of great virtue who courageously stood up to the Nazis and willingly sacrificed his life for our Lord and His Church. Today, February 9th is Archbishop Stepinac's Feast Day and it was celebrated at the high school of his namesake. I was blessed to have taken a small part in it.



Today I teamed up with a Franciscan Friar, Brother Pius, and we spoke to three groups of young men and in all about 100 ranging from sophomores to seniors about living virtuously as Blessed Stepinac did. We mostly spoke on the culture today and how it lies to young men. Lies to them by saying that masculinity is defined by how much money you have, how successful you are in athletics, and how many women you can have sex with. Which is hard to deny that our culture does glorify these things. We talked about how the athletic achievements and pre-marital sexual pleasures will lose their appeal and meaning with time, but the Love of the Father is everlasting and for over 2000 years has stood the test of time. We shared with them how virtue has always outlasted promiscuity and disobedience.

I never knew the severity of the decisions I made with girls when I was growing up, I saw friends doing it and I thought those things were OK to do, no one told me it was wrong, no one told me how much this was disrespecting the Lord. I pray that the young men today took our words to heart and will strive to love the girls and women in their lives and not use them for sexual pleasure. And to do so not because Brother and I said so, but because the Will of the Lord calls them and all men to do so. Not because it is some rule that some old man told us to do, but because doing so will protect and guard the hearts of men and women and that the act of sex will be shared, given as a gift from male to female and female to male to consummate a marriage.

The celebration ended beautifully in the gym. What I believe was the entire student body was gathered there for Eucharistic Adoration. The CFR's were leading worship and set the mood to welcome Jesus. Shortly after Jesus entered and was present in the Blessed Sacrament, boys slowly exited the gym (while others remained) to go to confession. Clearly the prayers of Archbishop Stepinac and grace of our Lord were at work.

Blessed Aloysious Stepinac.............Pray for us.